What does “intimacy” really mean to you? In many relationships, partners often interpret intimacy chiefly as physical or sexual closeness. While sexual connection is undoubtedly an essential part of a relationship, true intimacy extends far beyond the confines of the bedroom. If you’re seeking to deepen your bond with your partner in more meaningful ways, it might be time to explore different forms of intimacy.
What is Intimacy?
The word “intimacy” has its roots in the Latin term “intima,” which translates to “innermost truth.” Initially, during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, intimacy often aligns with closeness and frequent togetherness. As time progresses, however, each partner may begin to assert their own boundaries and seek independence.
Intimacy and Truth
Marriage and couples’ therapist Maya Lane, MFT, emphasizes that intimacy in a mature relationship is grounded in accepting and honoring each other’s truths. This evolved stage of intimacy involves acknowledging the authentic selves of both partners. When you accept your partner as they truly are, rather than as you might wish them to be, it fosters a deeper connection based on authenticity.
The Role of Self-Acceptance
Kimi Moon, a yoga teacher and breathwork facilitator, underscores the importance of self-acceptance in cultivating intimacy. By loving yourself just as you are, you permit your partner to do the same. This acceptance paves the way for authentic connection and mutual respect, creating a sanctuary where both partners can be their true selves.
How to Cultivate Intimacy Beyond Sex
Developing intimacy beyond sexual interaction involves various mindfulness practices that help you better understand yourself and your partner. Here are three therapist-approved ways to nurture a deeper connection:
1. Better Understand Your Truth
Creating intimacy with a partner starts with deepening your awareness of your own truth. This form of self-awareness is an evolving process that can be enriched through various modalities. Maya Lane recommends a meditative method to help you connect with your innermost truth:
- Close your eyes
- Connect to your breath
- Drop into your heart: Feel the compassion and connection that your heart holds.
- Drop down into your belly: Acknowledge the deeper knowledge and intelligence within.
- Invite deeper knowledge: Embrace the sensations and thoughts that arise with curiosity and compassion.
This practice is designed to help you anchor yourself to a deeper capital-S ‘Self’ that holds your innermost truth. Becoming familiar with this truth can help you approach your relationship with genuine authenticity.
2. Cultivate Attunement in Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy isn’t solely about physical acts but also about understanding each other’s nuanced desires and boundaries. Couples can sometimes fall into a routine where sex becomes a predictable and even avoidant activity. Understanding that sexual intimacy ebbs and flows can significantly relieve this pressure, allowing for more genuine connection.
Being in Sync with Natural Fluctuations
Lane highlights that sexual desire can differ based on various factors, including natural cycles. For instance, for women, sexual energy can vary depending on their menstrual cycle. Understanding and respecting these fluctuations can lead to a freer and more synchronized relationship.
Practical Exercise: What Feels Available Today?
Ask yourself and your partner routinely, “What feels available today?” Here are some possibilities:
- A big hug or cuddling
- Verbal expression of desire without the need to act on it
This practice promotes awareness and acknowledgment of each other’s current emotional and physical states, fostering a more connected and attuned partnership.
3. Create Deeper Spiritual and Emotional Connections
Breathwork and meditation can serve as powerful tools to strengthen your bond, open communication, and provide a container for shared vulnerability. Kimi Moon offers a 20-minute couples’ mindfulness practice to nurture spiritual and emotional intimacy:
- One-minute grounding meditation: Sit together with eyes closed, focusing on the breath.
- Journal prompts: Individually write down answers to:
- I was proud of my partner when…
- I was thankful for my partner when…
- Something fun my partner and I did together…
- Back-to-back breathing: Sit back-to-back, breathe deeply into the belly up to the heart space, and exhale through the mouth. Notice your breath syncing naturally.
- Healing prayer: Say together, “Thank you, I love you, please forgive me,” directed towards yourselves, each other, and your partnership.
- Silent eye-gazing: Look into each other’s eyes in silence for 30 seconds to a minute.
- Heart-to-heart hug: Join in a long, connecting hug.
- Share journal responses: Discuss your written responses to the journal prompts.
This practice helps create an energetic trust and deep emotional connection, reminding both partners of the support, gratitude, and fun within their relationship.
Conclusion
Developing intimacy in a relationship fundamentally requires being honest with each other about your feelings and emotional states. This truthfulness can sometimes be challenging, but it is essential for deepening your connection. Mindfulness exercises can guide you both in exploring your inner worlds together, emerging even closer because of the journey.
Whether through understanding your own truth, cultivating attunement in your sexual relationship, or creating spiritual and emotional connections, these practices offer pathways to a deeper, more meaningful intimacy with your partner. The journey is continuous, but with each step, you build a stronger foundation for a lasting relationship.
